Finding the Truth
by SylverKisses
Summary: On the train home from their first Games, Katniss finds comfort with Peeta in more ways than one. The next morning, everything is torn apart when he finds out that everything was an act. Katniss never told him that night was real, that she felt...something. She wants to tell Peeta the truth, but she doesn't know what the truth is. Can she find the truth in time to fix things?
1. Chapter 1

I can't move. I had ruined everything and I can't go back to face everyone, to face him. I don't know what to say. I can't just tell him the truth, the way Prim had said I should, I don't know what the truth is. But I can't keep living without him either. I have no idea what to do so I just lay there, on the forest floor, unable to bestir myself to even find shelter or try to get back on the right side of the fence.

_The great Katniss Everdeen, the Girl on Fire, dies while poaching. What a great headline. _I thought sarcastically. But I still didn't get up. After a little while, I faded into numbness and lost myself in the void that the lack of feeling offered. Not asleep, but not quite conscious either, it took a while for the sound of footsteps to register. Shock seeped into my brain as I realized who it was, because no one else would come out here for me, not to the other side of the fence, not into the woods that we had all been conditioned to fear so much.

"Katniss?" He shouted. His voice was like a physical blow to my system. It almost knocked me senseless. I realized I should answer him, call out to him, so he could find me. He might wander around for hours and never find me if I don't but I just don't have the will to do it. I hear him stomping around, or at least it sounds like stomping to me even though I know he is probably walking normally for him, and I find myself wondering what he is doing out here, why he is looking for me with such determination when I broke his heart like I did.

"Katniss!" He shouts again. His voice sounds relieved so I guess he must be close enough to see me. Odd, I didn't think he sounded that close.

"Katniss! Are you alright? Are you hurt?" He asks me these questions like he cares, none of the hurt I saw in his eyes that day coming through. Next thing I know, he is kneeling next to me, pulling me into his arms and forcing me to look into his eyes. My breath hitches and I lose myself momentarily in those eyes as I remember that night on the train coming home from the Games, that night that changed everything.

**Flashback**

_I woke up in a cold sweat, clenched up in a ball in the middle of my bed, terror seizing my mind. I have dreamed of the Games every night since we left the arena but tonight, it was worse. The other nights, I see Rue die, I get killed, or I see the horrific end that Cato had to endure. Tonight, I watched Peeta die in a thousand different ways while I did nothing to stop it. I need to see him, to know he is alright. I slowly crawl out of bed and make way to his compartment on the train, my cramped muscles making it slow going. When I get to his door, I don't think I just go in and crawl into bed with him. He is instantly awake and confused._

_ "Katniss? What are you doing? Is everything ok?" He asks, taking me into arms. He feels the tension in my body and pulls away. "What was it about?" Of course he knows it was a nightmare, he has them too. He slowly and carefully begins working the tension out of my shoulders and then my calves and my feet while I try to explain. After my halting explanation ends, he just looks at me. He stands up and sits next to me on his bed, slowly turns me to face him, and tentatively presses his lips to mine. _

_ I feel it again. That fire in my stomach, the feeling I felt in the cave, the…desire I felt when we kissed for real that time, it's there again. Only this time, there are no cameras, there are no wounds, there is nothing to stop us. We kiss again and again, getting increasingly wild and desperate as our needs mount. Our hands roam, just desperate to be touching anywhere, everywhere, and before I know it, his shirt is on the ground and mine is on the other side of the room. His hands slowly massaging my breasts are in total contrast with the frenzy our lips continue to increase but he pauses before he undoes my bra._

_ "Katniss?" He looks at me, fire in his eyes, and I nod. The frenzy returns and he begins kissing me again. Suddenly he takes his lips away but before I can voice my complaint, he takes my nipple into his mouth and sucks. His roam freely while my body is frozen with the sensations flooding my mind. I don't have to think, I just have to feel and for once, I can do that without being afraid or hurt or guilt ridden. I don't notice that he's removed my pants and is reaching his fingers underneath my panties. I freeze up when I feel the tips of his two fingers gently pushing into me._

_ "Katniss?" He asks again. I realize that a nod isn't enough this time, he needs more, he needs to hear me say it. _

_ "I want this, Peeta. I want you. Please don't stop. It all feels so good, I just want to feel more." I answer him, my voice heavy and small…and desperately needy. He doesn't need to hear anything more. He gently pushes me back onto the bed, and slowly pushes his fingers into me the rest of the way. I surrender myself to his touch and do my best to make him feel good too but mostly, I just pray that he doesn't stop touching me, working my body like he is, and he doesn't, until the sun comes up and we both pass out into a dreamless sleep._

**Flashback Ends**

"Katniss, please answer me. Are you alright?" Peeta says carefully, slowly, but I can hear the desperation in his voice. For a moment, I was lost in the memory of wonderful that night was and the feelings that it brings. For a moment, I forgot that the next day he found out that most of what happened in the Games was an act on my part. I forgot that I never told him that everything about that night was real, even if most of what happened on camera wasn't. I look into his deep blue eyes, filled only with concern for me, and to my utter surprise, I burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry" I sob, almost incoherently. Peeta holds me close and makes soothing noises in the back of his throat.

"It's all right Katniss. Everything is alright."

"No, it's not. I never told you." I cry haltingly. "I never told you and now you hate me. I ruined everything." Peeta froze and hasn't moved since I got the first part out. I continue to cry, once I started there was no stopping it. I've held it all back for a month and a half now, my body needs the release I guess. Peeta finally moves again and my heart almost shatters as he starts to push me away, forever I think, but he only pushes me back so he can look me in the eyes.

"Katniss, what didn't you tell me?" He says it firmly, quietly, but my sobs catch in my throat as the realization comes to me. This is my chance. My chance to tell the truth, to get back my boy with the bread. I look up into his eyes and take a deep breath to steady myself. I have to tell him. I have to make this right.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**** Thanks to all the people who added my story to their Favorites and to the people who followed it. This is my first ever Fanfic and is actually also my first story I've ever written that was more than just a short story for a school assignment. So thanks to the following people.**

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I take a deep breath and I turn away from him. I might need to tell Peeta the truth but I don't need to see his expression of hate I know will be there by the time I'm done, and I slowly begin speaking.

"Peeta, I am so sorry. When I told you that the Games was…was an act," I start hesitantly. "I should have told you. I never told you but…that night, the night before we talked, well…that was real. I meant everything that happened that night…even…even some of what happened in the cave was real…or at least not for the cameras. I felt…something. I just don't know what it is exactly. I don't know for sure how I feel but sometimes, like that night, I feel this…heat. This desire that's more than desire…I just don't know. I'm not good with words like you are but…I wanted…I needed you to know the truth…or at least as much of it as I know." I finish confusedly. I didn't look at him the whole time I was talking and I avoid looking at him now. I'm afraid of the look I will see on his face so I just stare at the leaves that have fallen off the tree early as they skitter across the ground.

"Oh Katniss." Peeta says, gently. I expected hate, disgust, at least anger that I waited so long to talk to him, that I hurt him, that I don't know what or how I am feeling. Instead, I get gentle exasperation and endearment. Call me confused. I risk a glance in his direction and am shocked to see that he has a small smile on his face and eyebrows raised slightly in disbelief.

"Katniss, I am not going to lie and say what you told me that day didn't hurt me tremendously. To be honest, I was crushed." I turn away at this point, out of shame for my actions and disgust for myself. Peeta gently grabs my chin and turns me back to look him in eyes. "But while I was hurt to know you had been acting in the Games, I was only as damaged as I was because I could see in your eyes the pain you caused yourself when you told me that and I could see in your eyes that there was more feeling for me than you cared to admit. I would have been better if I had thought you were happy and genuinely had no feelings for me than I was knowing you felt something and were hurting over it. That was the real source of my pain. I could see that your feelings for me were killing you inside and you pushed me away to save yourself but you just wound up hurting yourself more. You were broken inside because you hurt me, because you pushed me away, and because you care for me. That killed me. I just want to comfort you, even just as a friend, and I want to know that you are happy. That's all." Looking in his eyes there is no way to doubt his sincerity. I try a couple of times to speak, to try to explain how grateful I am for this, for him, but I can't seem to speak. My throat is clogged with something and the words can't get around it. My eyes are burning and my heart feels all warm…I wonder vaguely if I am getting sick since this obviously can NOT be an emotional reaction to Peeta's eloquent expression of his feelings for me. Definitely not.

"Peeta…I…" I clear my throat, hoping that will help. "I don't know what to say. I…"

"Katniss, you don't have to say anything. If you need time to figure out how you feel and what you want, I will wait for as long as you need. I don't begrudge you that time. I just want you to be happy. I only ask that we try to be friends and comfort each other through everything. It doesn't have to be the way it's been, where we avoid each other until the cameras come back. I know that you are the only one in 12 who can possibly understand me now. We are both Victors. We need to stick together and help each other, no matter what the truth turns out to be. And don't hurt over this, Katniss. I can't bear it. You haven't done anything wrong." He smiles at me with such love and adoration that I can't bear to look at him. After everything I put him through, he still puts me first, still places my happiness above his own. I know without him saying it that I won't ever feel pressure from him. He will truly be my friend, without any strings or expectations, as long as I want or need him to and he won't hold it against me or resent me for it. He is the better person in this pair…but I've always known that. Everyone knows that.

"But Peeta, that night…" I try to say, to argue with his last statement.

"Katniss, that night was perfect and whether or not you know how you feel right now, we both know how you felt that night and that is what matters. You haven't done ANYTHING wrong. You need to find the truth and you need to be able to do that without me or the cameras or anyone pressuring you. I want to give you that. I want you to find the truth so you can be happy. Besides, if you don't figure it out, how will you ever tell me?" He says the last part with a smile and a half laugh, inviting me to share in the humor. I give him a small smile in response, understanding the truth of it.

"Now, we need to get you back. It's getting late and everyone is worried about you. You gave us quite the scare, you know." He looks up at the sky and, following his gaze, I see the sun is starting to set. I can't quite believe it. How did it get so late? Did I really lay here for that long? Wow…I'm pathetic. Here I was laying on the forest floor, lost in my depression while Peeta was back at home, probably comforting all the people I had worried sick all day, and finally coming to look for me in the woods, where I know he is not comfortable and is even a little afraid, after everything I put him through. Ugh. I am absurd. Some of my disgust must show on my face because Peeta chuckles quietly as he helps me to stand up since my muscles are too cramped up to do it by myself.

"Come on silly. Let's get home." He says laughingly. He puts an arm around my waist and hoists my arm over his shoulder to help me walk. Apparently, laying in basically the fetal position for hours on end can really do a number on your mobility because Peeta has to half carry me most of the way home. When we get to my house in Victor Village, Peeta opens the door and immediately calls into the house.

"I found her!" He shouts. I can hear my mother and Prim exclaim from the other room, making sounds of relief and gratitude. They're speaking so fast and both at the same time so they are basically incomprehensible but Peeta seems to get the gist of it, even if I don't.

"It's not a problem, really. Please, there's no need to do anything for me. Just take care of her. Her muscles are really cramped up and she can't seem to walk much or hold her own weight well." This of course sends both my mother and Prim into a tizzy. They sit me on the couch and begin an immediate and thorough examination, checking for injuries and any other major issues. They inform me rather crossly that I am dehydrated, need to eat, and that I need to ice down the majority of the muscles in my legs, arms and back, which we can't actually do. They settle for massaging each area slowly and carefully, using as much pressure as I can possibly handle to work out all the cramps. To my utter embarrassment, Peeta is enlisted to help with this process due partially to his strength but mostly for his incredibly gentle hands. Apparently, kneading dough isn't that much different than working on muscles. Who'd have thought?

Finally, my mother is satisfied with the state of my health and decides I need to go to bed. After a very thorough scolding from both my mother and Prim, Peeta helps me up to bed with Prim following behind. Prim helps me get dressed in PJs, helps me into bed, and then tucks me in.

"You're acting like you're the big sister, not the younger one, Little Duck." I say grouchily. She smiles at me.

"Well, when you go off and worry everyone half to death, I get to be the big sister because you were too silly to fill the role." She answers sassily. I stick my tongue out at her and pull the covers up to my chin. She just rolls her eyes and kisses my forehead, telling me to sleep well before she leaves. All of a sudden, I realize Peeta is still standing in the door way. I thought he had left already since he hasn't made a sound since Prim took me to the bathroom to help me get dressed.

"I just wanted to say good night before I leave." He says quietly. He comes over and straightens the covers, tucking me in once more since I messed it all up pulling at the covers. Then he leans over and gently kisses my forehead. "Friends, Katniss?"

"Friends." I agree.

"I hope you can sleep well tonight. You can always call me if you need to. Anytime of day or night, no matter what. I will always answer."

"Thanks. Good night Peeta." I whisper.

"Good night Katniss." He quietly slips away, shuts of my light and closes my door. Then, for the first time since that night with him, I sleep the whole night through.

**A/N: ****Thanks for reading! I will try to update tomorrow night but it may be Friday before I finish my next chapter. Please review and let me know what you think. I'm still new at the dialogue aspect and not sure how it really turned out. Thanks **


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